How much time do you spend thinking about what other people think of you? Worrying about how you're perceived, people's opinions about you or why people react to you do the way they do. How much of your day is spent forming opinions or judging others?
Here's the thing, we can't control how other people react to us or what they think about us. People react to us based on their own thoughts, emotions and experience. On top of that, we have our own good and bad days, our own moments that color how people might see us.
I learned early on doing comedy that it is impossible to appeal to everyone. There is no way that everybody will always think that you're funny and trying to appeal to everyone, holding that as your standard, is a fool's errand.
What lead to me having more fun when performing and made me a better and more memorable performer was being completely authentic to myself. When I crafted jokes and made choices that were true to myself I enjoyed performing more. On top of that, the audience reaction didn't matter, because I was in the moment and I was having fun.
The same thing applied to my life off stage. I spent so much time trying to fit in, being a people pleaser and be liked that I was making myself miserable. Even in situations where it was working, where people liked me, I was unhappy. I was hiding who I was, I was holding myself back. To appeal to others I made myself miserable.
So guess what? I was miserable.
But once I started living for myself and stopped worrying what people would think about me, I discovered something amazing. The person I was, the person I was now allowing myself to be, my authentic self....she was pretty popular. By being myself, and not worrying about what people would think about me, I was finding the people who are attracted to who I am.
I've had people tell me you can't be an actor, or life coach if you're covered in tattoos. I've had people say that my trans identity caused them to be embarrassed. But here's the thing, why should I listen to those people? If someone won't hire a coach because they have tattoos, I wouldn't want them to hire me- even if I didn't have any tattoos. Even if I wasn't a trans woman I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who was embarrassed by a trans friend.
Those people you're trying to appeal to? If they're not attracted to your authentic self, why do you care if they're in your life?
Think about things you want that you don't tell others about.
What are your needs and desires that are going unfulfilled because you don't want to reveal them to those around you?
What things do you deny yourself for others?
How often do you make yourself miserable to make someone else happy?
Who are the people in your life who you feel most comfortable being your authentic self around?
Start being honest about what you want, recognize when you're changing who you are to fit in and identify those people who allow you to be the person you want to be. Having trouble answering these questions, or not knowing what to do next after answering them? Contact me here to set up a free coaching consultation and get started!